| NEW PRODUCTS |
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 Transparent
Toaster is Stylish and Useful and a Great Substitute
for Television During the Writers Strike
Ever wonder what happens when you stick a slice
of bread in the toaster? Now you can find out. Using
top-secret classified NASA heat transfer technology
and manufactured in China, this gadget from the future
makes it easy to get your kids to eat their pop tarts.
Like the design, but don't need a toaster? TT doubles
as a stylish bill-holder or a place to keep your important
papers — just don't plug it in. Comes in no colors.
$139, at See-Through Only. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Brain Reacts Positively
When Donating to Worthy Cause
Like brain research. |
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Poll: Children Fear, Hate
Clowns
Poll of clowns finds feeling mutual. |
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Study Identifies Gene Linked
To Longer Lifespan
Also known as Careful Driver gene. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Research: Christopher
Columbus Brought Syphilis Back to Europe
In exchange for Christianity. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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Toy Wrestlers
Recalled
Due to excessive amount
of steroids in paint. |
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| TRENDS |
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China Experiencing Name
Shortage; 93 Million Named
Wang, 92 Million Li
150 million nicknamed Lefty. |
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| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
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Spacecraft Sends Back
New Photos of Mercury
Or old photos of Mars. |
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| SPORTS |
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Congress Calls on Baseball to
Go
After Big-Name Steroid Users
And ask them to autograph some baseballs. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Phony Phone
Call Starts Nuclear War
Prankster pretending to be Pakistani
Minister of Defense sets off nuclear
exchange with India; 50-70 million dead. |
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