| NEW PRODUCTS |
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 Electronic
Tombstone Really Keeps Loved Ones
in Your Memories!
Ask your elderly aunt to crack a
few jokes for the camera, just
don't tell her what it's for. Or
get one of the pre-recorded
videos, with actors fondly
remembering the "dearly
departed." $2150, at Graves
Plus, Mausoleum Emporium,
Tombstone Territory. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Local Police Departments Face Shortage
of Ammunition for Training
Complain bullets were wasted on ungrateful Iraqis. |
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Merriam-Webster's
Word of theYear: “w00t”
As in, “What the fuck is w00t?” |
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| SPORTS |
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Baseball Trading Activity
Picks Up
Teams swap sluggers on anabolic steroids
for hurlers on human growth hormone. |
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New Soccer
Ball Has Tracking
Technology Inside
Sounds alarm every time a
player fakes an injury. |
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| FEATURE |
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| Your Christmas
decorations were made by |
| A ) | the skill of
unionized workers |
| B ) | the diligence
of Santa’s elves |
| C ) | the forced
labor of Chinese children |
| Hint: deck
the halls! |
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| RELIGION |
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Watchdog Group: Priests
Taught 6 Million Children How To Protect
Themselves From Sexual Predators
Experience being best teacher. |
| |
Government
Job Opportunity
of the Week
Scapegoat to take the
blame for the destruction
of CIA torture tapes,
divert public attention
from highest officials in
DOJ and White House and
their enablers and
apologists in Congress
who initiated, designed,
condoned and justified
torture. Excellent pay
and benefits, guaranteed
pardon. |
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