NEW PRODUCTS |
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Caffeinated
Soap Reaches Market
Coming soon:
decaffeinated soap. |
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SPORTS |
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Bonds Approaching Record
Once Seemed Unapproachable
Held by Jose Canseco. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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NYC Couple Complete
2,500-Mile
Cab Ride to Arizona
Asked to go to MOMA; driver thought
they said Yuma. |
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China's
Women's Town
Run by Women
Modeled on Boys
Town. |
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KIDZ KORNER |
Vocabulary
Builders
voter
fraud n.
the act of trying to
register to vote as a
Democrat, as in
Alberto: the
President wants me to
tell you we think several
Attorneys General in
swing states are not
pursuing ~ aggressively
enough and should be
fired, so get on it -
Karl |
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FEATURE |
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A report from the
Department of Homeland
Securitys Inspector
General has concluded
that FEMA still
improperly awards Katrina
relief contracts,
possibly in violation of
federal law and at a
substantial cost to
taxpayers to unqualified
companies who are: |
A ) | struggling,
minority-owned local
businesses. |
B ) | competent contractors
based on Mars. |
C ) | major
donors to the Republican
party. |
Hint: awarding
contracts to unqualified
bidders based on
political donations would
be unethical |
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The Secretary of
the Treasury wants to
roll back corporate
reforms enacted in the
Sarbanes-Oxley Act in the
wake of the Enron scandal
because: |
A ) | we
now use only the finest
ethical business
practices so regulations
are no longer needed. |
B ) | seeing us doing all that
paperwork causes other
countries to lose respect
for us. |
C ) | over-regulated companies
might relocate to more
business-friendly places
like the Death Star. |
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