| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 Holy
Drinking Water Costs a Little
More
But mixed with demon rum it's
curiously refreshing. |
|
|
 Refrigerator
Tosses Beer to You!
With this breakthrough device you
can skip the step of getting up
from the couch, walking to the
refrigerator, opening the
refrigerator, taking out a can of
beer, closing the refrigerator,
walking back to the couch and
sitting down. Never miss a beer
commercial again! ($400, at
ObeseTronics) |
|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Tightwad Bank in Tightwad,
Missouri Closes
Short hours, lousy rates, no
withdrawals policy blamed. |
| |
| KIDZ KORNER |
Vocabulary
Builders
outsource
v.t. to contract
out your work to some
other entity, as in
"Maintenance and
operations at Walter Reed
Army Medical Center was
~d to a private company
run by a former
Halliburton official, who
reduced staff from 300 to
100." |
|
|
|
 |
| The United States
military budget is
greater than the military
budgets of all the other
192 nations combined
because: |
| A ) | the other 192 nations
might get together and
attack us in a
well-coordinated,
simultaneous multi-front
invasion. |
| B ) | it's just always
good to be on the safe
side. |
| C ) | in case the United
States is target of an
interplanetary strike
force from Alpha Centauri . |
| Hint: the military
budgets of the planets in
Alpha Centauri is a known
unknown. |
|
| If you pay off
99% of your credit card
bill due next month, so
only 1% remains unpaid,
the credit card company
will charge their
standard, exorbitant
interest on: |
| A ) | the
remaining 1% you
haven’t paid. |
| B ) | the
entire 100%, even though
you paid 99%. |
| C ) | the
national debt. |
| Hint: charging you,
personally, interest on
the national debt would
not be fair, and credit
card companies are
scrupulously fair. |
|
|
|
|
