NEW PRODUCTS |
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Toys of Future Introduced at
New Toy Expo |
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Among those drawing the curious (from
left to right): a round rubber sphere
that can be bounced, rolled or even
thrown back and forth with a
friend; colorful elongated plastic
needles you drop and pick up for
endless fun; a smaller rubber
sphere and a handful of futuristic metal
objects in the ultimate game of
multi-tasking. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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New Mexico Places Talking
Urinal
Cakes in Bars, Restaurants
Patrons hear messages like, Don't
forget to flush, Don't forget
to wash your hands and Don't
forget to zip your fly. |
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SPORTS |
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Spring Training: Outlook
Dim for All 30 Teams
None can reach postseason, at
least on paper. |
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Barry Bonds Signs, Seems
Certain to Break Aaron's Mark
Unless he becomes allergic to needles. |
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FEATURE |
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Timothy McVeigh,
who blew up the federal
building in Oklahoma City
and hoped to start a
revolution in the U.S.,
was dealt with: |
A ) | By
the President of the
United States throwing
the Constitution into the
toilet, suspending habeas
corpus, using torture on
U.S. citizens and
citizens of other
countries, and invading a
country which had nothing
to do with the Oklahoma
City bombing, thereby
igniting a catastrophic
civil war. |
B ) | By
the TransGalactic Strike
Force, using the Uniform
code of Interplanetary
Justice. |
C ) | By
local, state and federal
police and their justice
systems, using laws
available at the time. |
Hint: it's the
least exciting option. |
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MILESTONES |
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Co-Inventor of TV Remote Dies
From lack of exercise. |
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ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Scalias Daughter
Charged With DUI
Says she's prepared to take her case
all the way to the Supreme
Court. |
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