| PEOPLE |
 |
 World's
Tallest Man Saves
Dolphins By Pulling
Plastic From Their
Stomachs
Later, 7'9" Bao
Xishun rescues two bears
from a tree, an elephant
stuck on an escalator and
a couple of whales
trapped inside a
crosstown bus. |
|
|
Nicole Richie Cited for
Driving Under Influence on Wrong Side of
Freeway
Her rep says she's begun attending AA and
AAA meetings. |
| |
| THE WAR |
Pentagon
Handbook:
How to
Train Iraqi Troops |
| |
1. |
Find translator still
alive. |
| |
2. |
Protect translator. |
| |
3. |
Determine which
militia trainees are part
of, adjust message
accordingly. |
| |
4. |
Pushups. |
| |
5. |
Marching. |
| |
6. |
Shouting. |
| |
7. |
More marching. |
| |
8. |
Concept:
chain-of-command. |
| |
9. |
Concept: orderly
retreat. |
| |
10. |
Good-bye and good
luck ceremony. |
|
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
NASA: Photos Show Signs of
Water on Mars
And remnants of an ark. |
| |
| |
 World's First
Cloned Cat Has
Kittens
Each kitten will be
cloned and have kittens,
and so forth and so on. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
High Tech Latex Spray Condom:
Insert Penis, Press Button
Users say it's better than sex. |
|
Study: Vegetarians Have
Higher IQ's
But they were even higher before they
became vegetarians. |
|
Substance in Red Wine Extends
Life Span of Mice
Sometimes makes them pick fights with cats,
reducing life span. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| We reported
that a pre-invasion War Game
resulted in victory for U.S.
forces in Iraq. In fact, the U.S.
forces were stymied by a
persistent, low-tech insurgency.
The game was then cancelled, the
Marine General who commanded the
insurgent forces resigned in
protest, and the game was then
replayed until the desired
outcome was achieved. We regret
any confusion caused by our
mistake. |
|
|
