MISCELLANEOUS |
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Scientists
Blend 20 Comics'
Faces to Create
Perfect Face
for Comedy
Unfortunately, they fail
to create perfect
face for comedy
writing. |
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SPORTS |
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NBA: Players Sue League
Over New Ball
Find surface harder to sign autographs. |
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CURRENCY |
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Mint Unveils
Series of Coins Depicting
Every Dead President
Will also bring out
special lame
duck series. |
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ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Federal
Help Wanted Posting
of the Week
Sycophants to work for President, telling him
he's right about Iraq. No experience
necessary, need urgent, start today. |
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FEATURE |
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Iran and Syria
are going to help us
figure out how to
extricate ourselves from
Iraq because: |
A ) | They're just really,
really nice guys. |
B ) | They
hate to see us in this
fix. |
C ) | It is
not in their self
interest to see the
United States tied up
like this. |
D ) | They
are under strict orders
from their masters on the
planet Prylon-9. |
Hint: the regional
peace conference we have
in mind also includes
representatives from the
planet Prylon-9. |
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TRENDS |
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Experts
Blame Uptick in Bullying to
Bully Video
Game (shown)
Blame uptick in
corruption to Abramoff
video game (not shown). |
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