Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 18 - 24, 2006
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PEOPLE
Condi Denies Rumors of Romance With Canadian Foreign Minister
Says there's “nothing” between them. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Madonna “Confessions” Tour Raising Eyebrows Throughout Europe
Shown: recent performance at St. Peter's Basilica.
George Bush “Assassination” Film Coming to U.S. Theaters
Already there’s talk of a sitcom.
 
BUSINESS
All Segways Recalled
Scooters have tendency to make drivers "look dorky."
SCIENCE
Astronauts' Lost Bolts Add
To Space Junk

Which now includes Pluto.
Neanderthals Survived
Thousands of Years Longer
Than Previously Believed

Several graduated from Yale.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Drinkers Earn More Than Those Who Abstain From Alcohol
Tell that to the next wino who asks you for change.
Gov't Study: Despite Medical
Problems, Gulf War Syndrome
Doesn't Exist

Instead, 30% of Gulf War vets suffer from Incredible Coincidence Syndrome.
FDA Issues Warning on Spinach
Children's group recommends extending ban to broccoli, asparagus, lima beans, green peas, green beans and mixed vegetables.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders
clarify vt: to confuse, obscure, as in to ~ the Geneva Convention
tough adj: brutal, abusive, using torture, as in ~ interrogation techniques

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