| TRENDS |
 |
Soaring Oil
Prices Starting to Affect
Housing Market
People buying smaller,
more efficient homes. |
|
 |
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Judge Says Fantasy Leagues
Can Use Major League Baseball Statistics
Denies that getting surprise MVP candidate
Joe Mauer for two washed-up pitchers in
pre-season trade with his brother-in-law
had anything to do with it. |
| |
| KIDZ KORNER |
Write
Your Own News Story!
Just Fill in the Blanks
of This Reusable News
Template:
__ terrorists were
arrested today, perhaps
only __ hours away from
blowing up ___, according
to _____. Because of the
arrests, he added,
citizens should feel very
safe again, although they
should also feel very
unsafe. The plot against
____ proves that if we
start to withdraw our
troops from Iraq, we will
be more vulnerable to
attacks. Authorities had
been closely tracking the
plot for __ months. The
arrests come only __ days
after polling which shows
__% of Americans now want
to bring our troops home,
the President’s
approval rating has
dipped to __%, and there
were new developments in
the ongoing probe of
Representative ____, (R,
__). |
|
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| Pretty soon
it's going to be
time to share important
intelligence information
we have about Iran and
Syria with Israel, which
will lead them to attack
these countries because: |
| A ) | we
have to destroy the
Middle East in order to
save it. |
| B ) | we
need to get the hard part
of the Apocalypse over so
Jesus can return and all
who accept Him can go to
Heaven. |
| C ) | Both
of the above. |
| Hint: George W. Bush
is a complicated man who
can hold two ideas in his
mind at the same time. |
|
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|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Study: Sexy Music Leads to
Sex
Which leads to a recording contract. |
|
Cheating Alleged at Chess
Tourney
Several players with unusually large
heads asked to leave. |
|
 World's
Largest Sandwich Moved Into Position
It waits to be hoisted, placed inside world's
largest refrigerator (not shown). |
|
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