| PEOPLE |
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Paris Hilton Asks Paparazzi to
Back Off, Respect Her Privacy
Reclusive star (right) seen leaving church. |
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Juan Valdez Angers
Bush Administration
Offers free Colombian coffee
to America’s poor. |
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Ann Coulter Subject of
Plagiarism Probe
May have lifted entire passages verbatim
from Mein Kampf. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Judge Rules Removing Sex Scenes From
Films Violates Copyright Laws
And turns many mediocre movies
into a total waste of time. |
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| BUSINESS |
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GM Ends Production of
Largest Hummer
Move reflects recent reduction in oversized egos. |
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Roller Coaster Plunges
Like Stock Market
Shown: skittish riders react to
sudden drop. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Report: Trident Nuclear
Warheads Could Detonate in Road Crash
Public advised not to tailgate. |
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Study: Nothing is Predictable
Except more studies. |
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Dozens of New Species Discovered
In Indonesian Jungle
Pictures, descriptions included in new cookbook. |
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| SPACE |
 International
Space Station Welcomes
First Illegal Alien
Brought by space shuttle to do
jobs astronauts unwilling to do. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Fat People Not More
Jolly
Had been jolly until relentless
questioning caused introspection,
self-doubt, depression. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
 We
recently misidentified photo at left as a meeting
of the Board of Directors of the Getty Museum to
discuss acquisitions. In fact the photo is of Dustin Hoffman
as Captain Hook and Bob Hoskins as Smee in the movie
Hook. We apologize for any confusion
caused by our mistake. |
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