| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 Company to
Make Diamonds From
Strands of Beethoven's
Hair
For the man who has
everything except a
diamond made from
Beethoven's hair. |
|
|
Two-Thirds of Americans Say
There's
More Profanity Than 20 Years Ago
Remaining third weren't here 20 years
ago. |
| |
| FEATURE |
 |
| General Michael
Hayden, Bush's pick to
head the CIA, testified
at his confirmation
hearing that the NSA
secret, warrantless
spying program was
perfectly OK because |
| A ) | a
lawyer in the White House
told him it was legal,
and if you can't trust a
lawyer, who can you
trust? |
| B ) | we
might be talking on the
telephone with a member
of Al Qaeda without
knowing it, and if we
are, we'd really like to
know about it. |
| C ) | it's
very comforting to know
that our government cares
enough about us to listen
in on our conversations.
A lot of other
governments couldn't be
bothered. |
| Hint: Exactly why are
you interested in this,
and what is your full
name and address? |
|
|
|
|
 |
OUR MAN IN HELL
by Richard Nixon |
| Pardon my French, but who
the Hell came up with
comparing that
tree-hugging stiff Al
Gore with yours truly?
Sure, we were both vice
presidents who lost close
elections. And sure,
after a once-popular
president lied us into an
unpopular war we both
started unlikely
comebacks, but that's
where the comparison
ends. I won in '68. The
only election he'll ever
win is president of the
goddamned Sierra Club. |
| The only thing Bush is
doing right is keeping
tabs on his enemies. This
is good policy. You know
the Democrats would be
screaming the
"I" word if he
didn't have the phone
records of every whore in
Washington. I've still
got my little black book.
Comes in handy down here. |
| In fact, I could use
Liddy right about now, to
do a little breaking and
entering for me. Too bad
he's still alive. |
| Gotta go. Meeting Joe
McCarthy for drinks at
the Sizzler. |
|
|
|
| |
| RELIGION |
|
 Pat Robertson
Says God Told Him U.S.
Will Be Hit By Tsunami
So far, God has refused to
either confirm or deny remark. |
|
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