| SPORTS |
 |
MLB Names
Former Senator George
Mitchell
to Lead Steroid Probe
But choice proves
controversial. |
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|
Little League World Series
Pushes Fences Back 25 Feet
Simultaneously relaxes steroid ban. |
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| EDUCATION |
|
No Child Left Behind Law
Forcing Out Study of History,
Science From Schools
Just like in White House. |
| |
| KIDZ KORNER |
Write
Your Own News Story! Just
fill in the blanks in
this Reusable News
Template!
While public attention
was focused on the ____
scandal, the House of
Representatives quietly
passed a bill promoted by
the _____ industry which
wipes away all
protections passed by the
states to protect the
public from _____ and
______ caused by ______
and _____ in ______. The
bill, which was passed
without any hearings,
will simplify regulation
by voiding laws passed by
the states in response to
____ cases of _____ in
_____. The _____ industry
will now be free to put
as much ____ in _____,
subject only to federal
standards currently being
studied by the Office of
_____, an agency which
has no actual employees
at the present time. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| What is the best
reason not to censure
Bush? |
| A ) | Constitution
vague on unreasonable
search and seizure. |
| B ) | Won't
know if he broke the law
until Republican Congress
has thoroughly
investigated charges,
determined he didn't. |
| C ) | Even
if he did break the law,
he only did it to make us
safe from dangerous
vegetarians. |
| D ) | God
called on him to lead us. |
| Hint: Do you want to
censure God? |
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| HIGH TECH |
|
MIT Developing Device to
Alert Autistic When They're
Being Boring, Irritating
Tested successfully at this year's
Oscars. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
Discovery of “Furry Lobster”
Excites Marine Biologists
And furriers. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Congress Okays
Drilling in Alaskan
National Wildlife Refuge
Measure added at last minute to annual
Daylight Savings Proclamation. |
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