| SPORTS |
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Olympic Games
Sparks Interest In Sports
This week's issue of Sports
Illustrated
(left) sells out. |
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Baseball: Pitchers, Catchers
Report
Spitters, scratchers report next week. |
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| LIFESTYLE |
|
Study: Men Claim Having
Two to Four Times as Many
Sex Partners as Women
Conclusion: men and women are
lying. |
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| KIDZ KORNER |
Write
Your Own News Story! Just
Fill in the Blanks in
this Reusable News
Template:
In another shock for the
world's climate watchers,
the latest study has
shown the ______ Glacier
is melting ___ times
faster than previously
estimated, just ___ weeks
ago. If urgent action is
not taken immediately,
the world's oceans will
rise at a rate of ____
meters per _____, and
coastal areas will be
underwater by the year
____. The report has
caused panic in the halls
of governments across the
globe, with the exception
of the United States,
where _______, the chief
_______ at the White
House, said there was
"nothing to worry
about," and referred
scientists to chapter
___, verse ___ of the
Gospel of ______. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| The next time you
accidentally shoot
somebody and the police
show up at your door to
question you about the
incident, what do you say
to them? |
| A ) | Sorry,
but I'm eating dinner. |
| B ) | I'm
not really in the mood
right now, try me
tomorrow. |
| C ) | Come
back when I'm sober. |
Hint: Works best if
you're a very
important person. |
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| TRAVEL |
|
England Bans Smoking in
Public Places
If you see an angry, drunk hooligan
lighting up in a pub, inform him of this
new edict. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
Unattractive People More
Likely to Commit Crimes
Based on twenty-year study of Congress. |
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Thailand:
Scorpion Queen Marries
Centipede King
Couple withholds name of
honeymoon hotel, at
hotel's request. |
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