SPORTS |
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Chessboxing
Heavyweight Championship Won by
Relative Newcomer
Killer Kowalski (left)
was down a rook and two pawns before
landing a haymaker and knocking
Russian Grandmaster Ivan Lefco
(right) senseless. |
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Baseball: Hot Stove League
Really Heats Up
Over-the-hill lead-footed banjo hitter
traded for washed-up dead-armed drunk and
a hopeless head case to be named later. |
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PUBLISHING |
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Bush's
Victory in Iraq Zooms to Top
of Bestseller List
Outselling all other works
in its category. |
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1.
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Victory in Iraq, by
George W. Bush |
2.
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Victory in Vietnam,
by Richard M. Nixon |
3.
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Victory in Vietnam,
by Lyndon B. Johnson |
4.
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Victory in Vietnam,
by John F. Kennedy |
5.
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Victory in Korea, by
Harry S. Truman |
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FEATURE |
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How will you know
when the housing bubble
has burst? |
A ) | Developers
selling subdivisions to
farmers to convert into
cropland. |
B ) | Long,
awkward silences at
suburban cocktail
parties. |
C ) | Real
estate agents holding
signs reading, Will
sell your house for
food. |
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LIFESTYLE |
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Profile: Average American
Still Super-Sizing
He or she is 35½, drives an SUV, shops
at big box stores, attends a megachurch,
lives in a McMansion and weighs 412
pounds. |
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ODDS 'N ENDS |
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Huge Fried Eggs Showing
Up on Florida Beaches
Unrelated to Avian Flu
Say experts. |
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