| PEOPLE |
 |
 DeLay Makes
Court Appearance
Judge holds preliminary
hearing to see if it's
possible DeLay can
“wipe that stupid
smile” off his face. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
Child Safety
Group Releases
List of “10 Most Dangerous
Toys”
If you've purchased any of these, return
them at once. |
| |
| 1. |
G.I. Joe Interrogation Kit
(Waterboard prone to
splinter) |
| 2. |
Barbie's Tanning Parlor
(Radiation shield sold separately) |
| 3. |
My First Facelift (Botox
must be kept
refrigerated) |
| 4. |
Russian Roulette, Jr (Gun chamber
jams) |
| 5. |
101
Fun Drinking Games (Shot
glasses not shatterproof) |
| 6. |
Jihad
Barbie (detonation
danger) |
| 7. |
Harry
Potter's Goblet of Fire
(flammable) |
| 8. |
Power
Wheels Cadillac (slips
out of park) |
| 9. |
Cookin'
Fun Kitchen (gas leak
possible) |
| 10. |
Hasbro
Chat Now Cell Phone
(porn) |
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|
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Scientists Discover “Singing
Iceberg” in Antarctica
Sensitive measuring devices pick up
chorus of “We're Having a Heat
Wave.” |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Federal Pension Agency Reports
$23 Billion in Losses
Public advised not to age. |
|
 |
New Nickel Depicts Thomas
Jefferson Smiling
Design was picked before 2000 election. |
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| TRAVEL |
|
Heidi Fleiss to Open Male
Brothel in Nevada
So-called “stud farm” will
cater to female politicians. |
|
World's Largest Aquarium
Opens in Atlanta
Already boasts more fish than Lake Erie. |
|
England: Pubs
To Stay Open 24 Hours
Move made to accommodate
Royal family, soccer
goons. |
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