| ADVERTISING |
 |
 Snoop
Dog, Lee Iacocca Appear As Golf Buddies
In Chrysler Commercial
If you buy that, you'll
probably love your new Chrysler. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Studios Panicked as Public
Stops Buying DVDs, Going to Movies
Popcorn sales remain strong. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Private Company Selling $100 Million
Tickets for Trips Around Moon
Better order now – seating is limited. |
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| HIGH TECH |
|
New Time for Daylight Savings Will
Cause Major Problems for VCRs
Constantly blinking “12:00”
will be replaced by constantly blinking
“1:00.” |
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New Bikini
Sounds Alert Every 15
Minutes
Warns of sunburn and/or
lack of attention. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Siberian Peat Bog Size of France,
Germany Combined, Melting for
First Time Since Ice Age, Releasing
Methane
Public urged not to panic, dress lightly. |
| |
 Voice-Activated
Computer, “Clarissa,”
Undergoing Tests
On Space Station
Reportedly failed to
execute command:
“Open the pod bay
doors, Clarissa.” |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Research: Some Fruit Flies
Have Gene Predisposing
Them to Alcohol Addiction
Exciting discovery may lead to new
therapies to treat alcoholic fruit flies. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
| We
mistakenly reported that the
company which owns the National
Enquirer paid a former movie
extra $20,000 for exclusive
rights to tell the story of her
affair with California Governor
Arnold Schwarzenegger. In fact
the company paid the woman for
exclusive rights not to
tell the story. We regret the
confusion. |
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