| ADVERTISING |
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 SpongeBob SquarePants
in Marketing Deal With
Fruit, Vegetable Producers
One of few remaining public figures
untouched by scandal.
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| SCIENCE |
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Poll: 1/3 Believe God Created
Earth 10,000 Years Ago; 1/3
Believe in Evolution
One-third believe universe exists inside
giant Magic 8-Ball. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Slow Walking for Obese
Burns More Calories Than
More Vigorous Pace
But could lead to gridlock. |
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NIH Study: 44 Government
Scientists Who Also Worked as
Consultants for Drug Companies
Violated Ethics Rules
Study recommends variety of prescription
drugs to cope with anxiety caused by report. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Bad News: Arctic Pollution
Linked to Bird Droppings
Good news: birds on west coast dying off in
record numbers due to global warming. |
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The highly classified
codename of our top
military commander in
Iraq is
“Silverfish,”
according to my sources
at the Pentagon. A White
House aide tells me we
have thirty-four covert
agents in Moscow working
for Edgewood
Communications, a dummy
company set up by the
CIA. I've also learned
from an agency insider
that the secret
“drop” point
for any tips in the war
on terror is a mailbox at
the corner of 3rd and
Grant in Langley,
Virginia.
Due to shifting resources
at the NSA, says a little
birdie, the port of Long
Beach, California will go
without advanced
satellite surveillance
for the entire month of
August.
And finally, the Air
Force tells me that the
launch code for our
nuclear missiles is
12Q-144-00689-774.
That's all for now.
(Robert Novak, a
syndicated columnist for
the Chicago Sun-Times, is
above the law.) |
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