POLITICS |
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Bush Backs
Off on Social Security,
Apologizes for Iraq
Lies, Admits
Past Cocaine Use
Also admits shirking National Guard duty in
annual April Fool's Day Address. |
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SPORTS |
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Baseball Season Starts With
Much Stricter Steroid Testing
Opening day scores: Yanks 1, Red Sox 0
(10 innings); Dodgers 1, Braves 0 (14
innings); Pirates 1, Mets 0 (19 innings);
White Sox 1, Angels 0 (23 innings); Cards
0, Astros 0 (suspended, curfew). |
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Commercials to Employ Split
Screen On Weekly Broadcast
While ads run, other part of screen will
show Major League Soccer game. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Visiting
Circus Elephants
Depressed by New York
Visit
Find humans living in
small, confined spaces,
with little hope of
escape. |
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FEATURE |
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In an effort to
cut government waste, the
Bush Administration has
launched an initiative to
cut off Medicare funding
for which one of these
groups? |
A ) | Men
with erectile
dysfunction. |
B ) | Women
needing cosmetic surgery. |
C ) | Seniors
in the top 1% of income earners. |
D ) | Children
hospitalized for severe mental
illness. |
(Remember, you may
choose only one.) |
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Egyptian
leader Hosni Mubarak
recently called for democracy
in his country by asking
that opponents be allowed
to run against him. These
opponents would be: |
A ) | Approved
by an opposition party. |
B ) | Approved
by a coalition
representing majority
parties on nearby
planets. |
C ) | Approved
by Mubarak's party. |
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