| POLITICS |
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 Waterskiing Squirrel
Endorses Kerry
“He has the best chance
to defeat George Bush,”
says popular performer. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Rate of Serious Crime Held
Steady Last Year
Picture brighter for '04, say criminals. |
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| SPORTS |
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Baseball: Orioles Trade for
Player to Be Named Later
He says he's “excited”
about going to Baltimore. |
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| VIDEO GAME REVIEW |
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"Deforest
Rangers"
Join the “brave
defenders of heavy
industry” as they
fight off sinister
Greenpeace activists and
nutcake Tree People to
keep our forests safe for
development. Fun and
educational. (Chainsaw
Arts, $19.95) |
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 Too Old to Drive?
Not Anymore!
Not when you're
comfortably ensconced
behind the wheel of a
newly redesigned (there
were problems with leaks)
LooMobile. The mall,
early bird dinners, bingo
- anything's
possible with this clever
marvel of 21st Century
transportation. Actually
just a cheap kid's
motorized scooter with an
outhouse attached to it,
it's being sold for
$2000 because it's
covered by Medicare. At
all Bed Pans and Beyond. |
 New Device Reads Your Mind,
or Your Mate's!
It figures the Japanese would come up with
the first commercial mind reading machine,
and put it in an attractive package to boot.
The Brainman® operates most effectively when
placed within three inches of the cerebral cortex.
It's also handy if you want to record your dreams,
or the dreams of someone you know. A supplied
video adapter cord connects directly to any TV,
allowing all your friends in on the fun! $249,
at Open Mind Emporium. |
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