| PEOPLE |
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 Billionaire Pledges to
Spend His Fortune Trying to Defeat
Bush
George Soros (left) will be matched
“penny for penny” by
wealthy Bush supporter, Scrooge
McDuck (right). |
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| SPORTS |
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Pete Rose Has Himself Frozen
Hopes it improves his chances of getting
in Hall of Fame. |
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Super Bowl Halftime Show to
Feature Human Sacrifice
But most viewers will be more interested
in the commercials. |
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| ODDS AND ENDS |
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 Study: Attractive Professors
Rate Higher in Student Evaluations
Results were announced by study's director,
Cal Tech Physics Professor Dr. Eloise
P. McVay (above). |
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 Forget Roomba, This Robot
Vacuum Cleaner Can Handle the Big
Jobs!
Built to withstand the rigors of
constant housecleaning, the Big
Job® Vacuum System from Hoover
stands up to all manner of dirt
and grime both inside and outside
your home. Just notify your
neighbors and then let ‘er
loose - Big Job® automatically
senses walls, fences, and small
pets. It's the Hummer of
vacuum cleaners! $3995, at
Desperation Hardware. |
 Are You a Security Risk?
Now You'll Always Know!
With this handy and beautiful glowing orb,
you'll save time and money by
knowing, before you leave for
the airport, whether or not you'll be
flying that day. When the orb glows
green it means you're cleared to fly on
all domestic flights. Yellow means
you'll be detained, frisked, and
subjected to a cavity search. Red indicates
you might as well stay home.
The Fearless Flyer Glowing Orb is
$399, at all Just Orbs Stores. |
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