PEOPLE |
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Britney in
the News Again
Second cousin of friend's
sister's former teacher's
husband is witness to an
auto accident. |
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P. Diddy Accused of Hiring
Sweatshop Labor
Honduran workers, paid just ninety cents
an hour, are forced to listen to his
latest album over and over. |
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ENTERTAINMENT |
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Fewer Young Men Watching TV
Find watching others drink, fight, have
sex
less fun than drinking, fighting, having
sex. |
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California Wildfires Destroy Part of Set
For Leonardo DiCaprio's Latest Film
This is getting serious, says
governor-elect. |
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MERCHANDISING |
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Talking Gen.
Boykin Doll Latest in
Series of Right-Wing
Action Figures
Pull string and he says
My God's
bigger than yours. |
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SCIENCE |
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Findings Confirm Universe
Mostly Dark, Mysterious Energy
Just as Mr. Spock determined on
sixteenth episode of "Star
Trek." |
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Brazilian Study: Coffee
Speeds Up Sperm
U.S. Study: Doughnuts slow sperm down. |
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Huge Magnetic Storm on
Sun Has Devastating Consequences
on Earth
Many devices rendered
useless for several minutes. |
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HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Impatient, Hostile Men
At Risk for High Blood Pressure
15 Years Later
Must wait, wait, wait a long fucking time to see if
these medical assholes are right. |
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Coca-Cola to Launch
Cholesterol-Reducing Orange Juice
Pepsi counters with free EKGs in
specially marked bottle caps. |
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EDUCATION |
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Study Links TV Problems to
Reading
Young children who read too much are
likely to have difficulty watching TV
later in life. |
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