Ironic Times

 NO. 144 "Expect the Ironic" JUNE 16 - 22, 2003 

June 9
June 23
 
BUSH PREDICTS ECONOMIC IMPROVEMENT, PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
Claims crystal ball he found in White House attic “really works.”
 
WORLD NEWS
Israelis, Palestinians Discuss Break From Hostilities
To reload.
Rumsfeld Wraps European Goodwill
Tour on High Note

No assassination attempts were made.
Sharon Under Attack From Own Party
But gains support from more moderate lunatic fringe.
 
FACTOID
Afghanistan: One Telephone for
Every 330 People

United States: 330 telephones for every person.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
“Earth Rover”
Discovered in
California Desert
May Be of Martian Origin

It “seems to be searching for water,” says an eyewitness.
U. S. NEWS
Cheney Lists Assets on Gov't
Disclosure Form as Between
$19.1 and $86.4 Million

Shows command of detail which made him
effective CEO.
Al Qaeda Captives Deny
Link to Iraq; Iraqi Captives
Deny Link To Al Qaeda

All deny link to Martha Stewart.
 
REMINDER
The Surgeon General has determined that dining on civet cats may be hazardous to your health.
 
Bills Advancing in the House
This Week
Love of Country Bill
      Repeals habeas corpus.
Healthy Oceans Act
      Cancels limits on overfishing.
No Child Left Behind II
      Moves all education funds to Defense Dept.
Low Income Families Rescue Bill
      Provides tax relief for billionaires.
Homeland Protection and Safety Act
      Adds offshore tax dodges for Halliburton.
Fiscal Responsibility Act
      Imposes "birth fee" starting in 2024.
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