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SYRIA'S
NEW MINISTER OF
INFORMATION DENIES
U.S. CHARGES
Country not harboring
ex-Iraqi officials, he
claims. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Democracy Slowly Taking Hold in Iraq
Slowly disappearing in U.S. |
|
U.S. Sends 1,000 to Iraq on
Weapons Hunt
Five hundred to plant them, five hundred
to find them. |
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UN to Lift Sanctions Against
Iraq
When U.S. lifts sanctions against UN. |
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U.S. Unlikely to Attack Syria
Until cooler weather returns to region. |
|
Ten Nations Join
European Union
Now eligible for discounts
at fine restaurants throughout
Europe. |
|
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Bush Shifts Focus to Domestic Agenda
Will begin bombing known hideouts of
Democratic leadership. |
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Terror Alert Level Lowered to
Yellow
Threat reduced, but Americans urged to
keep 10,000 years of rations on hand,
just in case. |
|
White House Says it Has Proof
Saddam is Dead
Nixon called from Hell. |
| |
REMINDER
Those expensive sneakers you're
wearing were made by an
8-year-old in Sumatra. |
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Bush Calls For Early
Elections
In U.S. |
| |
| POLITICS |
|
Kerry Confides to Jewish
Voters Family Name Used to be Kohn
Gephardt used to be Goldman, Edwards was
Edelstein, Sharpton was Shapiro,
Lieberman was Kerry. |
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