| PEOPLE |
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 Whistleblowers
Named Time's
"Persons of the
Year"
3 women are honored, then
fired, blacklisted,
exiled, ruined, left to
die penniless and alone
as outcasts. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Mississippi State Study: Kids
More Likely to Have First Sex in December
Need for comfort, consolation soars when
they first discover Santa isn't real. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
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"Reality" Goes on
Sale
Manufacturer hopes to grab some of the
"Sims" market. |
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"Lingerie Barbie"
Debuts
Coming soon: "Chugalug Barbie,"
"Crack Barbie," and
"Barbie Puts Out." |
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| BOOKS |
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| Top 5
Best Sellers (for 2002) |
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1. |
Cliffs Notes for Dummies |
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2. |
The Abridged Oxford Broken
English Dictionary |
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3. |
Beowulf (Ebonics translation) |
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4. |
Chicken Soup for the Dummy's
Soul |
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5. |
The Dumbest Generation. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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First
Intelligent Signal From Outer
Space Received, Deciphered
Two-word message: "Coming
soon." |
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| Least
Covered News Events, 2002 |
| 1. To enhance security,
all nine Supreme Court
Justices began wearing
handguns beneath their
robes. On April 20th
during a heated exchange,
Justice Souter
was wounded in the thigh
by Justice Scalia,
but recovered, and was
back at work within a
week. |
| 2. As a test of several
new foreign policy
options, the CIA put
arsenic in the soup of
Britain's Prime Minister Tony
Blair on July
10th and replaced him
with a lookalike. The
Blair lookalike has been
very supportive of U.S.
policies. |
| 3. The United States
Shadow Government was
overthrown in a
little-noticed coup
d'etat on September 19th.
Dick Cheney
was taken into protective
custody, and Donald
Rumsfeld placed
in command. |
| 4. Martha Stewart
fled the country on
October 8th and relocated
her headquarters to an
island in the Bermuda
Triangle, where she is
continuing to tape her TV
show and building her own
nuclear weapon. |
| 5. Angelina Jolie
and Billy Bob
Thornton had a
mutual organ transplant
operation in May in which
they exchanged kidneys,
and one more in November,
to get them back. |
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| LANGUAGE |
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More Overused Phrases Retired
Latest to get the heave-ho: "Too
much information;" "At the end
of the day;" "24-7;"
"Do the math." |
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