| SIGNS OF THE TIMES |
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| BOOKS |
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Jonathan Franzen's Latest
Leaps
To the Top of Best Seller List
"Just lucky, I guess," says
author of Oprah
Winfrey is Wise and Beautiful. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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| New Doomsday
Clock-Radio Moves Two
Minutes Closer to
Midnight |
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| When it strikes twelve it
tunes in the Emergency
Broadcast System. |
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NEWS OF
THE WAR
Ironic Times has obtained the
following memo sent to all US
forces abroad by the Pentagon
Office of Community Relations:
Hey there, soldier! We know how
busy you are now as you prepare
for Phase Two of the War Against
Terrorism, so here's a letter you
can send home, already
pre-approved!
Dear _______
It's great to be here in (choose
one: IRAQ, the PHILIPPINES,
COLOMBIA, OTHER), fighting for
freedom! The (choose one: DESERT,
JUNGLE, MOUNTAINS, OTHER) is
beautiful and we can't wait to
wipe out those stinking (choose
one: IRAQIS, MUSLIM FANATICS,
LEFTIST REBELS, OTHER), in
defense of tolerance, our
precious freedoms, and the
American oil companies. Don't
worry, we're still the best armed
fighting force in the world,
despite the efforts of Bill
Clinton and the Democrats to take
away our weapons and make us
weak!
Love to all, ________
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