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JACK IN EUROPE - MEETS
WITH POPE
In Europe on another ten
day “fact-finding”
trip, fast food magnate
Jack (r.) confers with Pope
at Vatican. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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G-8 Summit Considered a
Success
Food good, wine superb, cigars
first-rate. |
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Pickpockets, Purse-Snatchers on
Strike in France
Demanding paid vacations, health
benefits. |
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Russians Claim to Have
Simulated Human Brain
New computer will be used for testing
vodka. |
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MISS WORLD CONTESTANTS MEET ON
GLOBAL WARMING
Agree to limit use of ozone-depleting
hydrochlorofluorocarbons. |
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Japanese Women Postponing
Marriage
Researchers not sure why simultaneous
enslavement to husband, children,
parents, aging in-laws losing its
appeal. |
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Remaining Amazon Rainforest to Be
Made Into Theme Park
RainForestLand will educate visitors
about ecosystem, provide local jobs. |
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China Closes Tibet for
"Repairs"
Will re-open in 2005. |
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| SPACE |
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THREE TENORS
TO FLY ON SHUTTLE
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| Mission will study effects of
weightlessness on the ego. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Rebates Headed for U.S.
Taxpayers
Not only to super rich, but also to very
rich, quite rich, and simply rich. |
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Dept. of Education Missing
$450 Million
“Dog ate it,” says
spokesperson. |
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BILL CLINTON BIG WINNER
Shows off his $10,000,000 check
from Publishers Clearing
House. |
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CIA Admits Transmitting
“Voices” to Paranoid
Schizophrenics
Agency director apologizes, says
practice will stop. |
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| POLITICS |
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SCHWARZENEGGER MAY
RUN FOR CALIFORNIA
STATEHOUSE
Believes he can beat “girly
man” Gov. Gray Davis. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Cosmopolitan, Redbook Go Out of
Business; No More Sex Secrets Left
Last 3 techniques which drive
men wild revealed in latest issues. |
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Customers Using Other Banks'
ATM's Hit with Rising Surcharges
Also, mild electric shocks. |
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Starbucks Stock Plunges After
Announcing Switch to Tea
Move is “ill-advised,” most
analysts say. |
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| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
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Crop Circles Definitely the
Work of Pranksters
However, authorities not sure what
planet they're from. |
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