| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Woody Allen Agrees
To Do Sitcom
Cash-strapped director
will star in “Woody”
as recently-divorced father
of fourteen who marries
his daughter and sues his
best friend. |
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TV in the Summer Doldrums
Nielsen reports more people watching
radio. |
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Jack Lemmon, Last Good Actor,
Dies
“It's the end of an era,”
says William Shatner. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Starbucks Sued for Overtime
Violations
We're not to blame, says company. “After
six lattes they just won't stop
working.” |
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Ford Explorer Sets Sales
Record in June
Many customers bought more than one
because of rollovers. |
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| TECHNOLOGY |
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NY Bans Cell Phones While
Driving
California bans them during sex. |
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| HEALTH /MEDICINE |
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Bush
Gets Pacemaker Implanted
in Brain
Device will monitor mental
activity, send electrical
pulses when none
detected. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Mind Continues After Brain
Dies, New Study Suggests
We hear Muzak for several minutes. |
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| GUEST COLUMN |
 My Turn
by O.J. Simpson
Last week an outrageous
article appeared in The
New Yorker that
portrayed me as an angry,
obsessive womanizer with
nothing on my mind but
golf and poontang. Well,
if the writer had
listened more carefully,
he would have known that
my kids come first, then
poontang, then maybe
food, and then golf.
Also, I was misquoted in
the article. It said that
I said that if I saw
Nicole today I'd
probably “hit on
her.” That's
not what I said at all. I
said that if I ever saw
Nicole's killer
today, “I'd hit
him-or her.”
Thanks for letting me set
the record straight. |
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| CORRECTION |
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In “Answers to
Civics Quiz” we erroneously stated
that the primary function of the federal
government was c) “to protect and
defend the tobacco industry.” The
correct answer was d) “to protect
and defend the rights and freedoms of the
people.” We apologize for the
confusion. |
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