| IRONIC TIMES
EXCLUSIVE: |
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KEN COMES OUT
Announces
officially what was long
rumored; wants to
“set the record
straight—so to
speak.” |
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| BOOKS |
|
Britney Spears Gets $724,000
For First Novel
Amount equals aggregate total of all
advances paid for first novels since the
year 1800. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS |
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"BAG LADY" HITS
LOTTO JACKPOT
Edna Seminick, a homeless "bag
lady," living it up with her
newfound millions. |
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BULLETIN: The SETI Institute, the
non-profit consortium coordinating the search for
extraterrestrial intelligence, announced this
morning it had received a series of radio signals
emanating from a galaxy approximately 43
light-years from Earth indicating that |
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| GUEST COLUMNIST |
What's Wrong With Baseball?
by
Dame Judi Dench
First of all,
what's right with baseball? Not
much, from where I sit. Crybaby
overweight slobs sobbing about
their miserable $40 million
contracts? Where are the heroes
of yesteryear, gee-whiz farmboys
who played for the love of the
game, not the money. Today you
can't tell the players without a
scorecard, and you can't even
afford the scorecard! These bums
bounce around from team to team,
or should I say from highest
bidder to highest bidder, without
the slightest hint of loyalty to
the fans. Disgusting! One note
unrelated to baseball: I will be
appearing on the West End in Noel
Coward's "Private
Lives" for the next month
and must take a leave of absence
from this column during that
time.
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