| HEALTH/MEDICINE |
 |
 |
"Morning
After" Pill
Available Soon
"Tomorrow
morning," drugmaker
keeps saying. |
|
|
|
Hantavirus Closes Another
Disney Theme Park
Donald, Goofy blame Mickey, Minnie. |
|
Recipient of World's First
Head Transplant Changes Mind
Has head removed. |
|
Americans Not Worried Enough
About Their Health, Say Experts
More frightening statistics, tragic
personal stories needed to increase risk
awareness. |
|
Fast Food Diet Reduces
Life Expectancy
Time saved may be less than time lost. |
| |
| SCIENCE |
|
Brookhaven, Long Island Laboratory
Holds Secret of Life
Will be revealed on TV special in
April. |
|
Zeno's Paradox Proven!
Nobody getting anywhere. |
|
| RELIGION |
| Revised
and Updated, Seven Signs of
the Apocalypse Released
by the Vatican |
| i. |
A hole will appear in the roof
of the sky. |
| ii. |
The polar ice caps will melt. |
| iii. |
The frogs will vanish and the
cows will go mad. |
| iv. |
Nude pictures of Dr. Laura
Schlessinger will appear
on the Internet. |
| v. |
Wrestlers will become governors and
men of God will sire
children out of wedlock. |
| vi. |
The antichrist will outsmart
IBM and become the
world's richest man. |
| vii. |
Butterflies will disrupt an election
and an idiot will ascend
to the throne. |
|
|
| |
| ARTS |
Three Dead
Tenors Begin World
Tour
Will perform at cemeteries,
other venues;
"live" album
planned. |
|
 |
|
|
