| SPORTS |
 |
 |
FIDEL CASTRO SIGNS
WITH CHICAGO CUBS
Will give up Communism in exchange
for multi-year contract. |
|
|
|
Green Bay Packer
"Cheesehead"
Fan Doing Better
Recovering well following attack by
pack of gigantic rats. |
|
New Orleans Saints Will
Become
Latter Day Saints
NFL team moving to Salt Lake City. |
| |
| SHOW BUSINESS |
| |
"Charlie's Angels" Actresses
Thwart Actual Crime
Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron
Diaz chase down and capture a
suspicous- looking man, who is later
questioned by police and released. |
|
Looming Strikes by Actors, Writers
Has Hollywood Worried
Preparing for worst, producers
stockpiling clichéd scripts for mindless
shows. |
| |
| INTERNET |
 |
ANOTHER DOT-COM
SUICIDE
Waiters
at upscale restaurant
watch latest leap. |
|
|
|
| POLITICS |
|
Clinton, Lewinsky, Congress,
Media, Public Now All Sorry
About Impeachment
Joint apology will be signed by everyone. |
|
Last Family Farm Will Be Preserved
for Illustrators of Children's Books
Barn, farm animals, produce get
protection as artistic
treasures. |
| |
 SPACE |
International
Space Station to Add
Revolving Restaurant
Will feature
continental cuisine, full
bar, nightly
entertainment. |
|
|
| |
| FRINGE |
|
Man Caught Masquerading
As Berosini Orangutan
Charade worked for 3 months before
trainer caught on. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
Last week we accused former Playboy
model Anna Nicole Smith of being a
shameless gold digger by laying claim to
the billion dollar estate of the late oil
tycoon J. Howard Marshall, an elderly man
she married, under highly suspicious
circumstances, just before his death five
years ago. Unfortunately, we did not
include Ms. Smith's measurements in
the article. They are: 38-25-35. We
apologize for any confusion this may have
caused. |
|
