Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 23 -29, 2000
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FRINGE
  World's Smallest Pumpkin Drawing Little Interest
Far more flock to see "world's largest" pumpkin.
 
BOOKS
Jackie Collins Celebrates
5000
th Novel
Also celebrates 10th plotline.
Young Reader Survey: Harry
Potter Books Make Outstanding
TV Viewing Stools
630-page fantasy novel excellent platform for watching game shows, music videos.
 
TODAY'S RECIPE
  Trouble

Take one fifth vodka, tequila, rum, gin, scotch, bourbon, or rubbing alcohol.

Pour it into the container of your choice. Or don’t.

Drink it all.

Serves one.

 

Reverse Periscope
by Walter Lippmann

Spiro Agnew was heard calling the current crop of living politicians "a bunch of over-stuffed windbags." Pretty tepid stuff considering the source. Too bad speechwriter Bill Safire hasn’t kicked the bucket yet.

Strange bedfellows: Estes Kefauver and Everett Dirksen joined forces with Eugene V. Debs asking for a little more attention to details around here. Just last week Former House Speaker Carl Albert slipped on a banana peel and John Foster Dulles found a piece of glass in his soup.

Meanwhile, an "ambassadorial mission" to the living by Sen. Albert Gore, Sr. (D-Tenn.- Deceased) and Sen. Prescott Bush (R-Conn.- Deceased) has been quashed. As Margaret Chase Smith (R-Maine- Deceased) said, "the whole idea seems pretty ghoulish."

Finally, whatever became of perennial presidential candidate Harold Stassen? Until he dies, I guess we’ll never know.


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