| PEOPLE |
 |
 Giuliani Claims
Trump Campaign Owes Him $2 Million
For his sage advice. |
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| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Taylor Swift Passes Sinatra for
Most Albums of the Year
Rumor that Frank's boys unhappy
about it prompts her to hire extra security. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
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After New York Times
Exposé, Major Brands Crack Down on
Child Labor
Begin hiring elderly to clean slaughterhouses. |
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News Business Continues
to Shrink With More Layoffs
Only top execs, busty weather
girls assured job security. |
|
 Report:
Bolts Missing on Boeing Plane
That Lost Door
“We'll find them, I promise
you,” says Boeing spokesman. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
 UK: Nuclear
Fusion Reactor Sets Record
for Energy Output, Lasting 5.2 Seconds
Enough power to toast half a bagel,
but it's a start. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Study: Hurricanes Becoming
So Strong New Category Needed
And better names than Hurricane Bob. |
|
 Scientists
Propose Giant Shade in Space
to Solve Global Warming
And Elon Musk wants to put up millions
of shades in stationary orbits and charge
you by the month. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Materialism on
Social Media Driving
Mental Health Crisis
As well as positive news on the economy. |
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