Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 9 - 15, 2020
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TECHNOLOGY
Trump Fast-Tracks Killer Robots for Space Force
Lightsabers, laser cannons, Death Star out for bids.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Study: New Partners Often
Similar to Old Ones

Like when Shemp replaced Curly.
 
TRENDS
Survey: Many Millennials
Can't Change Light Bulb
By Themselves

Fortunately, there are thousands of YouTube instructional videos demonstrating how.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
  Company That Had Brief Online Success Selling Male Rompers Folds
Investors bailed when they saw plans for line of onesies for construction workers.
FEATURE
According to The Washington Post, how many rounds of golf has the President played since taking office?
  A ) 17
  B ) 21
  C ) 27
  D ) 217
Hint: he visited his golf clubs on 250 occasions, but sometimes it rained.
 
SPORTS
NBA Warns Teams to Plan to
Play Games With No Fans

The woeful Knicks have already begun testing it out.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
At CPAC, Trump Hugs, Kisses Flag
Flag hires Gloria Allred.

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