Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 24 - 30, 2019
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ADVERTISING
  Major Brands Switching From Human to Computer-Generated Influencers
Humans want to be paid.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Study: Gender Gap in
Computer Science Research
Won't Close for 100 Years

When we're all replaced by genderless robots.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Senators Briefed on Recent UFO Sightings
After closed door vote it's decided Sens. Graham, Inhofe will begin training for trip to Andromeda Galaxy.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Report: Young People Developing Horns From Excessive Cellphone Use
Unrelated report finds excessive cellphone use causing young people to get horny.
 
SPORTS
Iditarod Gets Off to Slow Start
Race may take a bit longer this year.
FEATURE
Why did Trump's plan to begin deporting millions of men, women and children suddenly get put on hold?
A )He never planned on doing it — he just wanted to terrify the undocumented to amuse his base.
B )Nancy Pelosi told him it would be “brutal” and “heartless” and he couldn't help but agree with her.
C )He's worried about his poll numbers so he didn't attack Iran, he didn't break up millions of families, and he made himself available for a sit-down interview with Chuck Todd.
D )He announced his plan to the press, but he never issued any orders, so there was no money, no manpower, no facilities, no protocol, no plan, no nothing.
   Hint: yes.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Project to Scan Universe for Signs of Intelligent Life Comes Up Empty
Will start looking for signs of blithering idiots, nincompoops.

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