Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 11 - 17, 2017
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MISCELLANEOUS
International Church of
Cannabis Now One of America's Fastest- Growing Congregations
Congregations allowed to munch snacks during services.
 
EDUCATION
DeVos Names Former Associate Dean of For-Profit College That Settled FCC Fraud Lawsuit for $100 Million to Head Education Department Unit That Polices Colleges for Student Aid Fraud
“It takes a thief to catch a thief,” explains Sec. of Education.
 
SPORTS
MLB: Boston Red Sox Caught Using Apple Watches to Steal Signals
Shown: Apple CEO Tim Cook before throwing out first pitch, then homering twice against Yankees.
FEATURE
  Outgoing Message from the Department of State
“Hello, you have reached the Department of State. No agents are currently available to take your call. If you are calling in regard to isolating Chinese banks that are supplying North Korea and enabling their nuclear weapons program, be assured that some day, when the hiring freeze has been lifted, we will have enough staff to work on this. In the meantime, you may call the Department of Justice or the Treasury Department, which are also experiencing personnel shortages, and may also be unable to take your call. Thank you, and have a wonderful day.”
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Report: President Furious Emir of Kuwait's Plane Larger Than Air Force One
Doesn't like that his harem is bigger either.

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