Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 18 - 24, 2016
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PEOPLE
Pope’s Reforms in “Joy of Love” Message Presented in Footnotes
If you’re Catholic, unmarried, and own a magnifying glass, you may have sex.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
173,000 Hyundais Recalled for Power Steering Circuit Boards That Can Fail “When Exposed to the Environment”
No need to replace them if you keep your car in underground garage, never drive it.
Volvo Tractor Trucks Have Steering Wheel Defect That Can Cause Complete Loss of Control
Also something iffy about the brakes.
 
BUSINESS
Surging Demand for Lithium Batteries Causes Price of Lithium to Double
Reaction among bipolar community mixed.
Amazon Expands Its Dash Button With More Products
Besides Trojan condoms, Dash buttons also available for Thunderbird wine, Kool cigarettes.
SCIENCE
NASA Reestablishes Contact With Kepler Spacecraft Seeking Life on Other Worlds
Says it's found life on another world and won't be returning, “over and out.”
Scientists: New Tree of Life Dominated by Bacteria
The chart itself had to be sprayed with disinfectant.
Stephen Hawking, Russian Billionaire Plan to Send Tiny Probes to Alpha Centauri
Hope to make contact with geniuses, billionaires in another solar system.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Rich Live Longer Than Poor
But, as they say, anyone in America can grow up to be really old.
Study: Now More Overweight People in World Than Underweight
And both wish they were the other.

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