 2015 ENDS WITH OPTIMISM
Outside of global warming, a never-ending war in the Middle East,
the disappearance of the middle class and the return of fascism to
Western democracies, things look great. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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UN Security Council Agrees on
Road Map to Peace in Syria
First step: Assad signs a lease on
Baby Doc Duvalier's old apartment
in Paris. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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DHS Announces New “National
Alert System” for Terrorist Threats
#duck. |
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U.S. Foreign Arms Sales Up
By 35% in 2014
Who says we don't make anything in
America anymore? |
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| POLITICS |
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Poll: 50% Would Be “Embarrassed”
To Have Trump as President
But still plan on voting for him. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Fox News Promotes
Self-Defense Against Terrorists
Rather than congressional action. |
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| (Last week, we brought together a distinguished
panel of psychics, prophets and prognosticators, and
asked them for their predictions for the coming year.) |
|
 | Kandu: “Donald
Trump will win the Republican nomination, lose the general election, then buy back
the Miss Universe Pageant.” |
 | Madame Blavinsky:
“Star Wars: The Force Awakens: The Musical will be as bad as
it sounds, but break every record on Broadway.” |
 | Miss Cleo:
“Caitlyn Jenner will win a gold medal in the decathlon at the first
Transgender Olympics.” |
 | Cassandra:
“El Niño will conspire with global warming to create the perfect
investment opportunity in deodorants.” |
 Tiresias:
“A solar storm will knock out all electrical transmissions and
communications on Earth and provide a newfound sense of serenity and peace, until power returns.” |
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