| PEOPLE |
 |
 After Oprah Buys 10% of Weight
Watchers, Stock Price Doubles
Analysts say if she loses another ten
pounds, stock could double again. |
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| MEDIA |
|
Furious Republicans Drop CNBC
After Contentious Debate Questions
Future debates will limit questions to
those submitted by candidates' campaign
managers. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Federal Judge Ok's Settlement
In Class Action Suit Filed Against
Subway Over Size of Its Foot-
Long, 6-Inch Subs
Customers who saved all their receipts
will receive free chips. |
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VW Could Be Fined $18 Billion for 6
Years of Cheating on Emissions Tests
Fortunately for VW, company had set
aside $18 billion for just such a fine. |
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Study: China Now Has Much
Larger Middle Class Than U.S.
Mysteriously, theirs has been appearing
while ours has been disappearing. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Members of Primitive
Societies Didn't Sleep Any
Better Than We Do
Worried about well-being of planet if
other, less primitive societies prospered. |
| |
 Ancient
Formations in Kazakhstan
Spotted From Space
Experts think 8,000-year-old mounds
evidence of massive prehistoric publicity stunt. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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World Health Organization:
Bacon Causes Cancer
McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Denny's close. |
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Study: Hot Dogs Found to
Contain 2% Human DNA
Bon appetit. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Persian Gulf May Be Too
Hot for Humans by 2100
Could affect 2096 Olympics in Qatar. |
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