Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEP 28 - OCT 4, 2015
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PEOPLE
Book Accuses Brit PM David Cameron of Committing Sex Act With Dead Pig While At Oxford
Otherwise treats him favorably.
 
MEDIA
Brian Williams, Back on MSNBC, Gets First Assignment to Cover Pope
Will ask forgiveness for his sins in live interview.
 
BUSINESS
Volkswagen Admits to Diesel
Fraud in 11 Million Cars

Company must write “fahrvergnügen” 11 million times.
Walmart to Hire 60,000 Temp Workers
According to temp spokesperson.
Google Introduces New Logo
If you stare at it long enough you can make out the word “Google.”
SCIENCE
Evolutionary Biologist: Aliens
Will Look Like Humans

Except for the feathers.
Japanese Researchers Find
Certain Apes Can Remember
Plot Details From Movies

Like when that pale, hairless creature sees the Statue of Liberty in ruins and realizes he's actually on Earth.
 
Super “Blood Moon” Seen as End Times by Some Mormons
Also some Christians, some Buddhists, some Moslems, some Jews and some atheists.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: 10 More Trees on a
City Block Makes Residents
Feel 7 Years Younger

Works great, except if you’re 20.
 
TRAVEL
56% of Americans Haven’t Taken a Vacation in the Last 12 Months
Almost 50% haven't gotten up off the couch.

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