| NEW PRODUCTS |
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 New Confession App
Keeps You Honest 24/7
With "My Confessor" app you can confess your
sins while on the run and receive mobile penance
from an actual priest, or more likely a disgraced
one. Free (plus 10% tithe). |
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| EDUCATION |
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Student Loan Rates Double as Congress Adjourns Early
So lawmakers can deliver commencement speeches. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Atlanta Cops' Pay Raises to Be Funded
by Revenue From Traffic Tickets
Which are expected to increase tenfold. |
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| SPORTS |
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 Lakers Unveil Giant
Billboard Hoping to Convince Dwight Howard to Stay
They couldn't reach him by phone. |
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| TRAVEL |
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Carnival Cruise Line CEO to Step Down
Actually, he'll walk the plank. |
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| RELIGION |
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Vatican Bank, Officials Again Investigated
in Complex Money Laundering Scheme
Call for return to priests selling indulgences. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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 First Flying
Android Superman Test Successful
Touted as “next big thing” in drones. |
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| CORRECTION |
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| We reported that Justice Antonin Scalia,
in a fiery dissent in the Voting Rights Act case, slammed the
majority for “invalidating this democratically adopted
legislation. That is jaw-dropping. It is an assertion of judicial
supremacy over the people's representatives in Congress
and the executive.” In fact, Scalia was referring not to
the Court's overturning the Voting Rights Act, but the Court's
overturning the Defense of Marriage Act. We apologize for
any confusion caused by our mistake. |
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