| EDUCATION |
 |
 To Debunk
Evolution, Louisiana School Teaches Students
Loch Ness Monster Exists
Cautions them about Bigfoot, however. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Original Copy of Emancipation Proclamation
Sells at Auction for $2.1 Million
Signed by none other than Abraham Lincoln,
vampire hunter. |
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| TECHNOLOGY |
|
 Google Unveils
Google Glasses
So everyone can watch YouTube while they drive. |
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| SPORTS |
|
 Romney Donor
Buys Ad Space on Soccer Club's Shirts
Hopes to reach Latinos other than Romney's gardeners. |
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| NEW
PRODUCTS |
|
 Finally, a
Cure for Embarrassing Flatulence!
The Farty Smarty not only deodorizes, it muffles
your gaseous indiscretions, turning a trumpet
blast into a muted cornet so only you and
maybe a dog will notice. Developed by the
Russian space program, Farty Smarty patches
are great for dinner parties, PTA meetings,
theater, anywhere the whoopee cushion excuse
won't work. $19.95 for a pack of six, at Put A
Cork In It. |
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| POLL |
|
Americans Feel Obama Better
Suited Than Romney to Deal
With Alien Invasion
Feel Romney better suited to deal with
door-to-door salesmen. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 New York: Man
Dressed as Elmo Arrested for Spewing Anti-Semitic
Remarks
“Elmo no like Jews,” he kept saying. |
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