| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
Madoff's
Belongings Being
Auctioned Off to Pay
Creditors
Opening bid for his
shorts: $3.5 million. |
|
 |
|
|
Florida Woman Charged With
Trying to Sell Infant Son to Buy New Car
Tells judge she loves her son, but “would rather have a Buick.” |
|
Chocolate to Become More
Scarce as African Farmers Switch to Biofuels
Unless some genius comes up with a
car that runs on chocolate, or at least nougat. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Brett Favre Says He's Through
Playing After This Year
Only way he'd return is if he got bored
sitting around the house listening to his
wife scream at him all day about those racy
voicemails and revealing photos he sent
to “that woman.” |
|
| RELIGION |
|
 Faithful
Flocking to Orlando's Holy Land
Theme Park
Shown: thrill ride Crucifixion
Experience. |
|
|
American Catholic Bishops Report Shortage of Exorcists
Also, surplus of pedophiles. |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Children Whose Parents Use
Number Words When Speaking to Them Do
Better in Standardized Tests
Like, “if you don't do these three math
problems, I'll spank you twice.” |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Restaurant
for Dogs Opens in London
Waiters (not shown) are
chimpanzees on roller skates. |
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