Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 11 - 17, 2006
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PEOPLE
  Polygamist Jeffs Moved to Utah
To Face Charges

Meanwhile, in Beverly Hills, Hugh Hefner (right) celebrates his half-birthday.
DeLay Says He Has Publishing Deal For His Autobiography
However, it may be promoted as a crime novel.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Hezbollah Sponsoring Boy Band
Shown: group performs at last year's Martyrdom Video Awards.
Metropolitan Opera to Pipe Broadcasts Into Movie Theaters
Refunds will be offered those expecting to see Jackass 2.
 
TRAVEL
Airbus Superjumbo Makes Test Flight With 474 Passengers Aboard
Aircraft performs well; 419 bags lost.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Ice Bubbles Reveal Biggest Rise in CO2 Levels in 800,000 Years
But most of it happened before God created the Heavens and the Earth.
Study Questions Skills of Aging Surgeons
Signs you may want another doctor to perform your bypass:
 
  1. Whistles "As Time Goes By" in examining room.
  2. Grumbles, "Now where'd I put the damn scalpel?"
  3. Has to hold your chart at arm's length.
  4. Copies of 1938 "Boys' Life" in waiting room.
  5. "Ooops!"
 
SCIENCE
British Patient in Vegetative State May or May Not Have Some Awareness
To be on safe side, don't eat broccoli.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported that President Bush had referred to busting the Miami terrorist plot as a great success. In fact, FBI informants provided the money, video cameras, plans, warehouse, cellphones, targets, a van and the Al Queda "swearing in" ceremonies, while the captured terrorists provided only the marijuana, so Bush must have been referring to the great success of busting some other terrorist plot. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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