| PEOPLE |
 |
 Malaysia:
33-Year-Old Man Marries
104-Year-Old Woman
Cynics point out she'll be 146 when he
is 75. |
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|
 |
Bush Says High Point of Presidency
Was Catching 7½ Lb. Fish on Ranch
Low point: starting WWIII for no reason. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Gettysburg Battlefield Proposed
As Site for Casino
Featuring Four Score and Seven Card Stud. |
|
Study: Stay-at Home Moms
Would Be Worth Annual
Salary of $134,121
Stay-at-home dads $34.95. |
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Microsoft Profits Shrink
Bill Gates denies rumors he is also shrinking. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Brits Much Healthier
Than Americans
But they don't have our superior medical
care. |
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Report: Many Middle Class
Families Going Without Insurance
They're the ones wearing surgical masks,
latex gloves. |
| |
| White
House Unveils Flu Pandemic Plan |
| | 1. |
Deny crisis. |
| | 2. |
Assure public plans in place. |
| | 3. |
Hold conference call to assess crisis. |
| | 4. |
Extend vacation plans. |
| | 5. |
Fly over affected area. |
| | 6. |
Blame Democrats. |
| | 7. |
Stage photo-ops at hospitals. |
| | 8. |
Prevent hearings on failure to prepare for
pandemic. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Half-Mile Wide Asteroid Given
Slight Chance of Hitting Earth
On June 21, 2008
As a precaution, all dinosaurs will be
moved to safe locations. |
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