IRONIC TIMES
MAN OF THE YEAR |
 Dick Cheney
From trying to convince
Congress to legalize
torture to defending the
President's right to spy
on his fellow citizens to
questioning the
patriotism of administration
critics, nobody represented the
freedom-loving American spirit
better than Vice President Dick
Cheney, our Man of the Year for
2005. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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New Bolivian Leader Intends
to Legalize Coca Crop
And ban Coca-Cola. |
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A Year of Progress in Iraq
We've established democracy three times,
stamped out all corruption twice, stopped
abusing prisoners again and again,
liberated Falluja repeatedly, trained
Iraqi security forces successfully over
and over, devised strategy for victory
time after time and won the war on
numerous occasions. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Early Box
Office Receipts for King
Kong Disappointing
Most moviegoers say
they're waiting for next
remake. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Bush's Approval Ratings Soar
Respondents “afraid” to
say anything negative in phone survey. |
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Jury Awards $172 Million to
Wal-Mart Employees Denied
Lunch Breaks
Rejects company's “they didn't look
hungry” defense. |
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REMINDER
If we face up to
reality, the realists
will have won. |
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Some Wealthy, Powerful
Citizens Mull Forcing Bush to Sign New
Agreement
Working title: “The Magna
Carta.” |
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Congress Taking Month's
Vacation for Christmas
Extra time needed to spend pay increase
they voted for themselves. |
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| MILESTONES |
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Lesbians in Nation's First
Civil Union Split Up in Nasty Divorce
Proving gays are totally in the
mainstream. |
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