| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
 |
McDonald's Putting
Nutritional Facts on All Its Products
Move prompted by reports
of widespread illiteracy. |
|
 |
|
|
Latest Diet:
“No-Diet” Diet
Critics complain that once dieters stop
“no-diet” diet they gain all
the weight back. |
|
Good News About Booze: Couple of
Drinks a Day Helps Prevent Obesity
Based on informal two-week study of fashion models. |
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Sharp Objects Allowed Back on Planes
Ban on whoopee cushions remains. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Baseball Pleased With Tougher Steroid Policy
Will now turn attention to spitting,
scratching. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
| |
Man Arrested After
Scaling White House Fence
He was carrying a
specific troop withdrawal
timetable. |
|
 |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| The most well-known
legislative initiative to
defend our country
against its enemies
sponsored by former
Congressman Randy
“Duke”
Cunningham (who recently
resigned after pleading
guilty to accepting $2.4
million in bribes) was: |
| A ) | The
Flag Desecration
Amendment to the
Constitution. |
| B ) | The
Antique Commode Sellers
Relief Act. |
| C ) | The
Real Estate Money
Laundering Accommodation
Bill. |
| D ) | The
Yacht Party Girl
Entertainment Allowance
Enhancement Rider to the
Defense Appropriations
Bill. |
| Hint: Due to National
Security concerns, some
of the above were
classified. |
|
|
|
| |
| RELIGION |
|
Neil
(I-Had-No-Idea-They-Were-
Hookers) Bush Tours With
Rev. Sun Myung Moon
To promote “Ideal Families.”
(Editors' note: we are not making this
up.) |
|
