| PEOPLE |
 |
 Trumps
Expecting
Public prepares for lavish baby shower,
excessive pampering, finest schools,
disappointment, lurid scandal, lawsuits,
marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce,
sex change operation, tell-all novel,
tragic auto accident, celebrity-filled
funeral. |
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Baseball Players Agree to
Stiffer Penalties For Steroid Use
Proposal backed by all infielders, some
pitchers, a couple of outfielders and no
designated hitters. |
|
China Launches Etiquette
Campaign in Preparation for '08 Olympics
Asks citizens to write gracious thank-you
notes, stop urinating in public. |
| |
| ART |
|
Painting by
Da Vinci, Not One of His
Students, Says Art
Historian
Claims portrait was part
of Da Vinci's series,
“The Women of
Renaissance Art
Schools.” |
|
 |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| David Dreier, one of the GOP leaders
assuming power in the wake of Tom
DeLay's stepping down, opposes gay
marriage and gay rights because: |
| A ) | As
a matter of principle he will not allow
his private life to influence his political
judgments. |
| B ) | He
feels he would not be fairly
representing the views of his constituents
if he did otherwise. |
| C ) | Forbidden
sex is only hot because it's
forbidden. Why take the fun out of it? |
|
| President Bush
has devised a
conservation plan to meet
the crisis caused by
dwindling supplies of
fossil fuels. The plan |
| A ) | Requires
car manufacturers to
increase miles per gallon
standards on all models. |
| B ) | Provides
massive federal funding
for alternate energy
research &
development. |
| C ) | Calls
on Americans to
voluntarily curtail
unnecessary automobile
trips. |
| Hint: Which of these
ideas requires the least
effort and offends the
smallest number of
Republican campaign
donors? |
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