Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 9 - 15, 2004
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PEOPLE
Kerry, Bush Campaigns Converge in Iowa
Candidates take a break from hectic schedules and toss the football around.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
HBO to Air Polygamy Drama
Target audience is males, 15 to 89.
 
BUSINESS
GM, Ford Car Sales Off in July
But horse division doing well.
Tech-Support Workers in India Adapting to American Customs
They’ve learned to ask callers things like, “What is it about the On-Off switch that you don’t understand?” and “Am I going too fast for you, Sparky?”
Schwarzenegger Rips California Budget in Half
Strongman also doubles state's debt.
Pentagon Orders Supercomputer
Capable Of 10 Trillion
Calculations Per Second

But unable to translate Arabic to English.
SCIENCE
Swedish Scientist: Lost Continent of Atlantis Was Ireland
Guinness all that remains of advanced civilization.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Approves Maggots for Medical Use
They'll be used to encourage timely payment of bills.
 
Know the Terror Alert Level Without Leaving Your Home!
Ever wondered what the terror alert level was but didn't feel like calling the Department of Homeland Security, or turning on Fox News? Well, now you can simply look on the wall, or refrigerator, or wherever you put the Port-A-Lert, a wireless, battery-operated gizmo that updates automatically by satellite every twenty seconds. Why be anxious when you don't have to be? $79.95, at Homeland Depot and Bed, Bunker & Beyond.

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