| POLITICS |
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Katherine
Harris Reportedly Mulling
Run for Major Office
She's considering
running for Wicked Witch
of the South. |
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Clark, Lieberman, Kerry,
Dean, Edwards, Moseley Braun, Kucinich,
Gephardt, Sharpton Meet to Debate
But they only have time for the
introductions. |
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| SPORTS |
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Baseball: Aging Hurlers
Traded
For Washed-Up Hitters
Beat-up veterans swapped for banged-up
rookies. |
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| FOOD |
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Turkey and Gravy Soda New
Number One Soft Drink
Just introduced, it leaps ahead of Corned
Beef and Cabbage Soda, Veal and
Peppers Soda, and Coke. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Bush, AWOL
From National
Guard Unit, Finally Apprehended
He will face court martial, pending
appeals. |
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 These New
Dolls Talk
- And They're Super
Bargains!
Talking Osama bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein dolls not only
look like the aforementioned
newsmakers, they speak!
God (or Allah) knows what
they're saying, but your
kids won't care, and at
$7.99 these dolls are a steal,
especially at this time of year.
Perfect as a stocking stuffer. At
all Santa's Workshop Factory
Outlet stores. |
|
 Hey Kids! Genetically
Engineered Fish That Glow in the
Dark!
They're real, and boy do
they glow! So bright you'd
think they were plugged into the
wall! How do they do it?
They're loaded with radium
(at a safe level, according to
new federal standards),
that's how! Just turn off
the lights and watch the fishbowl.
It's better than an
aquarium screensaver! $5 each at
Marine Life and Beyond. |
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Hey Guys! Here's One
Gift That Keeps on Giving!
She'll like it because
it's a stylish pendant that
resembles a sleek mini-camera
phone; you'll like it
because it really is a
mini camera phone, and it's
taking revealing pictures of her
and sending them to you whenever
you want them! $199, at Sneaky
Horny Bastard Emporium. |
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