| SCIENCE |
 |
Latest Photo Of
Martian Surface Reveals a
Lot
Mostly about the person
describing it. |
|
 |
|
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Cell Phones Cause
Brain Damage
Advice: duh. |
|
Obesity Study: Eat Just One
Less Cookie a Day to Lose Weight
Girl Scouts denounce report as
"unfuckingbelievable." |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
 |
| |
Smith &
Wesson Introduces Powerful
.50-Caliber Pistol
Should appeal to users
who are too emotional to
aim precisely at their
target. |
|
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Talks Collapse on Merging
Disney's ABC News With CNN
Fell apart over who would get preferred
billing on “Goofy-Connie Chung
Report.” |
| |
| FEATURE |
| Office of
War Information News Templates |
| (for reporters held
in windowless cells: fill in blanks and file) |
U.S. Bombers Use Smart
Weapons For Surgical Strikes
Reports of _____ civilian casualties
dismissed as propaganda by
knowledgeable source. |
Conclusive Evidence of Iraqi
Weapons of Mass Destruction
Discovered by U.S. Troops
"Made in U.S.A." markings
explained by military as a
"_____" coincidence. |
Rumors of Chaos, Civil War _____ly
Exaggerated, Says Bush
"Can't make an omelet without
breaking a few eggs," he says,
on the ___th hole. |
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